“Just be yourself”
“Wine her, dine her, buy her flowers and she’ll fall for you”
“Agree with a woman and she’ll like you more”
These are all examples of dating advice I received. I’m sure you’ve received a lot of similar advice, a lot of it equally bland, inoffensive, and, quite frankly, wrong. The previous advice is one reason I went into dating coaching: every piece of advice from well-meaning people kept me single!
I wanted to research and try tips that actually worked, material that was grounded in reality, not misguided optimism (be yourself), empty platitudes (be nice), or outright falsehoods (buying love and sucking up).
While nothing is sure in this world, these dating tips for men are actually effective.
Actions, Not Words
In high school, my mom used to tell me to just be myself and act like a nice guy and that’s all it would take to get a good girlfriend. Of course, in high school, my mom, a straight-A, sweet cheerleader dated my dad: a baseball star who was constantly suspended for fighting, skipping class, and pretty much doing what he wanted (although he did go to college, get various degrees, and is now an executive at a non-profit – you turned out great, dad!).
If you want to know what women want in a man, don’t listen to their advice, their dating profiles, or the kind words they tell their friend-zoned buddies. Instead, look at the type of guys they actually date. This is an entire chapter in our book Size Doesn’t Matter, that you don’t believe; observe.
Above all, women date guys they find attractive and sometimes that means a brash, edgy, cocky bad boy. Of course, no woman is going to actually give that advice to friends and family. So, they give nice, polite, socially acceptable answers instead.
Guys do it too. If someone asks what you look for in a woman you don’t typically won’t say “I want a hot blonde with big boobs and a tight butt” even if that’s what you really want. You’ll give a more politically correct answer.
This isn’t really a dating tip as much as it is laying the foundation for the other tips. If you like a girl or several girls, watch their actions. Look at their typical boyfriends or the guys they say they want to date. Look at the guys they flirt with, and not the guys they consider “buddies.” Those are their true tastes and that can give you an idea of how to be attractive to her and women in general.
Nice Guys Finish Last
Women, especially younger ones, typically don’t go for the “nice guys.” By nice guy, I mean an agreeable, passive guy who puts them on a pedestal. This is a sure way to get put in the “friend zone.”
I’m not advocating for being a jerk or rude. So, be a good guy. Be excellent. Have high standards and stick to them. And, show her you can be sensitive (at times). But, don’t be a squishy, nice, passive guy who bores women to tears.
It’s because niceness is attraction neutral. If you met a 90 year old, ugly woman who was very sweet and nice to you, it wouldn’t mean you’d date her. The same is true for women: they want to date nice guys, but will date attractive guys first and foremost…which brings me to point number three…
Be Your Best, Attractive Self
If you want to get a date, I can give you all sorts of tips and tricks. But, the best tip I can give is to “be attractive.” You might think I’m telling you to be “genetically superior” since you likely associate attractiveness with things like tall height, a great face, and a svelte body. While these are all pluses in attraction, you don’t have to be an Adonis to get a date.
Traits like confidence, being funny, charm, and assertiveness are all very attractive in men. And, you can work on these personality traits and improve them.
Physical attraction can be improved too. You can lose weight, lift and get in shape, update your wardrobe, get a better haircut, and make many other easy, physical changes to look more attractive.
If you’re unattractive, don’t “be yourself” like you’ve heard so often. Instead, find a way to be your best, most attractive self. Then, you’ll find that women want to be with you and you only have to put in moderate effort to get them.
High Value Men Finish First
This is one of the most important dating tips for men. Evolution made women desire powerful, confident providers and protectors. Even independent modern women still have this need.
Some people are just naturally high value: they are rich, own fancy cars, and have power at work and elsewhere. Other guys must demonstrate their value in other ways. Fortunately if you’re not a millionaire, being funny, having confidence, possessing good looks, and other things are also considered high value.
Show her your intrinsic value, especially early. Arrive in a nice car (if you have it), look fit and stylishly dressed, let your humor and intelligence come out, etc. But (and this is important), don’t come across as a bragging jerk. Anyone who has to strain to show his value comes across as insecure (and low value).
Go out to a club or a bar on a Saturday night and look around. It’s like a high school dance: groups of women dancing and having fun, and groups of guys nervously gathered in the corners, joking and laughing, pretending to be having fun, all while eyeing women from a distance, too scared to make a move.
The key to success with women is to act. In other words, have the balls to talk to hot girl you see in the supermarket, that smiles at you in a bar, or you meet everyday in class. Then, you don’t just act like a friend, but are courageous enough to ask her out and take the relationship in a non-friend direction.
Passive strategies (acting like a friend as a dating strategy, waiting for her to message first, letting a friend set you up) almost never work. Take matters in your own hands and be a man. If you act, even if you fail, you still give yourself a better chance of success than the countless guys who sit around waiting for the ideal moment (which never comes) or for the woman to make the first move (which rarely happens).
So, these dating tips should help any guy with dating. Don’t follow the trite, ineffective advice you’ve been given your whole life. Be a realist and act on it. These dating tips are a great start.